PEARLS  OF  WISDOM.

1. Money cannot buy happiness but...somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.

3. Help a man when he is in trouble & he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk.

A - Z of marriage

A TO Z OF MARRIAGE

A - Absolutely adore each other
B - Be best friends
C - Compromise
D - Discover new things together
E - Encourage each other
F - Forgive and forget
G - Gaze into each others eyes
H - Hold hands and hug a lot
I - Inspire and intrigue each other
J - Joke and laugh and have fun
K - Kiss Kiss Kiss 
L - Love with all your hearts
M - Marvel at each other's talents
N - Nuture each other's soul
O - Overcome problem together
P - Play games
Q - Quiet each other's fears
R - Remember the little things
S - Say "I love you" everyday
T - Take time for tenderness
U - Understand and care deeply
V - Value everything you share
W - Wish on stars together
X - X-press your true feelings
Y - Yearn for each other's touch
Z - Zzzzz in each other's arm

They Walk Among Us!

They Walk Among Us!

-------------------------

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.

To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'

For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

They walk among us!

--------------------------

I stopped at Mc Donald's and ordered some fries.

The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?"

They walk among us!

--------------------------

*One day I was walking down the beach with Some friends when someone shouted.....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'

They walk among us!

--------------------------

While looking at a house, my brother asked the Estate agent which direction was north because He didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'

My brother explained that the sun rises in the east And has for sometime. She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'

They Walk Among Us!

--------------------------

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.

She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

They Walk Among Us!

--------------------------

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.

They Walk Among Us!

--------------------------

I was going out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.

My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!"

I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...

They Walk Among Us !

--------------------------

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.

The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)

They Walk Among Us!

--------------------------

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

They Walk Among Us!

--------------------------

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'

Sadly, they walk among us!

--------------------------

Traffic Camera

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..

You can't fix stupid.

Dear Friend, while forwarding this mail , please keep the blog address link with it,(available at the bottom of this mail) so the receiver of the mail can see more of the cases.

Dear Friends : The emails are schedule to be posted at the blog called raj-e-collection, and will sent to the group on vrious dates and time fixed. I take opportunity of sending the emails instead of on it is spread on various dates. So it will not flood your email boxes on one particular day, but you get it almost daily. 

In case you do not want particular this emails, please create filter using "raj-e-collection" as word in the subject line, to be gone in trash. So, other emails from the group you can have in your inbox, and get rid of my daily dose. [Gmail and yahoo is providing the filter , other may check up with their emails service providers.] Those who see this post on the blog directly OR subscribe to receive the post from the blog directly are advice to ignore above . And requested to leave the comment for the postings. Also use email to friends at the bottom of ht each post.   

[In case you do not like my post! ha ha ha ha] 

Joke : teacher

A lady broke a signal and
was presented in front of the judge.
Lady: Your honor please let me go
I am a school teacher,
I am getting late for my class.
Judge: Aahaa so you are a teacher,
I have waited for this moment all my life,
now write down
“I WILL NEVER GO THROUGH A RED LIGHT”
5000 TIMES AND I WILL LET YOU

Dear Friends : The emails are schedule to be posted at the blog called raj-e-collection, and will sent to the group on vrious dates and time fixed. I take opportunity of sending the emails instead of on it is spread on various dates. So it will not flood your email boxes on one particular day, but you get it almost daily. 

In case you do not want particular this emails, please create filter using "raj-e-collection" as word in the subject line, to be gone in trash. So, other emails from the group you can have in your inbox, and get rid of my daily dose. [Gmail and yahoo is providing the filter , other may check up with their emails service providers.] Those who see this post on the blog directly OR subscribe to receive the post from the blog directly are advice to ignore above . And requested to leave the comment for the postings. Also use email to friends at the bottom of ht each post.   

   [In case you do not like my post! ha ha ha ha] 

Regards. R R Makwana.

Cab Driver.

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" 

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years..

 

Dear Friends : The emails are schedule to be posted at the blog called raj-e-collection, and will sent to the group on vrious dates and time fixed. I take opportunity of sending the emails instead of on it is spread on various dates. So it will not flood your email boxes on one particular day, but you get it almost daily. 

In case you do not want particular this emails, please create filter using "raj-e-collection" as word in the subject line, to be gone in trash. So, other emails from the group you can have in your inbox, and get rid of my daily dose. [Gmail and yahoo is providing the filter , other may check up with their emails service providers.] Those who see this post on the blog directly OR subscribe to receive the post from the blog directly are advice to ignore above . And requested to leave the comment for the postings. Also use email to friends at the bottom of ht each post.   Regards. R R Makwana

   [In case you do not like my post! ha ha ha ha]

Wonderfully defined...!!!

Wonderfully described definitions.......

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!


MARRIAGE:

It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before

CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read

SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life

YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth

ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do


COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together


EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes

ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions


PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip





OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls


into a river




OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling


from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"






PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY




MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!





FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature

CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught


BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early



POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later


DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you
by his bills!

Yaha tak dekha to thank you very much... Bapu Ki Kasam...!!!

Regards,

__,_._,___

Tech Support ( Questions & Answers )

....................................................
Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer:A white one.

....................................................
.
Customer:Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my DVD out�!!!
Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer:Yes, I'm sure it's really stuck.
Tech Support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer:No, wait a minute, I hadn't inserted it yet. It's still on my desk . . . sorry. Thank you. 

....................................................

.
Tech Support: Click on the 'MY COMPUTER' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

........................
 
Tech Support: Hello. How may I help you?
 
Male Customer: Hi .. . . I can't print.
Tech Support: Would you click on 'START' for me and . . 
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me. I'm not Billi Gates!!!

....................................................
.
Customer: Good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print. Every time I try, it says . . .. 'CAN'T FIND PRINTER'.  I even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it!!!
..............................................
.
Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech Support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer:Aaaah . . . . . .. . . . . thank you.
..............................................
.
Tech Support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11 store.
...............................................
.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support: Are you sure your keyboard is plugged into the computer?
Customer: No.� I can't get behind the computer.
Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and take ten steps backwards.
Customer: Okay..
Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.  Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here.  Wait a
moment please. . .. . . . .  Ah, that one does work.
Thanks.
..............................................
.
Tech Support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.
Customer: Is that '7' in capital letters?
..............................................
.
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech Support: Are you absolutely sure you used the correct password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure  I saw my co-worker do it. 
Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
..............................................
.
Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape
Tech Support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.
..............................................
.
Customer: I have a huge problem! My friend has placed a screen saver on my computer . . . but,
every time I move my mouse, it disappears.
..............................................
.
Tech Support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech Support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it.
..............................................
.
A woman customer called the Canon help desk because
she had a problem with her printer.
Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting next to me is by a window, and his printer is working fine!
...............................................
.
.
And last, but not least . . .

Tech Support: Okay Bob, press the control and escape keys at the same time.That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.Now, type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a 'P'.
Tech Support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean�?
Tech Support: 'P' . . .. on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!
....................................................
.
This outta make you feel better about your computer skills!

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Dear Friends : The emails are schedule to be posted at the blog called raj-e-collection, and will sent to the group on vrious dates and time fixed. I take opportunity of sending the emails instead of on it is spread on various dates. So it will not flood your email boxes on one particular day, but you get it almost daily. 

In case you do not want particular this emails, please create filter using "raj-e-collection" as word in the subject line, to be gone in trash. So, other emails from the group you can have in your inbox, and get rid of my daily dose. [Gmail and yahoo is providing the filter , other may check up with their emails service providers.] Those who see this post on the blog directly OR subscribe to receive the post from the blog directly are advice to ignore above . And requested to leave the comment for the postings. Also use email to friends at the bottom of ht each post.   

   [In case you do not like my post! ha ha ha ha] 

Regards. R R Makwana.

QUALITYS of GUJARATI

QUALITYS of GUJARATI

Meaning of Gujarati 

G - gentle
U - understanding
J - jolly
A - adorable
R - royal
A - aggressive
T - tough
I - intelligent 

This much quality only 1 Indian people have:
Yes, its GUJARATIs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Mara maran par tame aansoo na bahavsho,
Mara maran par dosto gam na karsho..
..Maari yad aave to sidha upar j aavjo!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Jivan maa JAS nathi,
Prem maa RAS nathi;
Dhandha maa KAS nathi,
Javu chhe swarg maa,
pan eni koi BUS nathi. 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Tu hase chhe jyare jyare, 
tyare tyare tara gaal ma khada padechhe. 
Hu vicharun chhu betho betho 
ke mara shivay aa khada ma ketla pade chhe!
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Bolya kare a maitri, 
chup rahe a prem.
milan karave a maitri,
judai satave a prem.
hasave a maitri,
radave a prem.
to pan loko maitri mukine kem kare chhe prem?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


Shu karu fariyaad tari, 
Fariyaad ma yaad chhe 
Fari fari ne yaad tari,
Ej mari fariyaad chhe!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Dictionary:------- Phonetic pronounciation ! 


Sano............Snow
Ispoon...........Spoon 
Egg-joss.......Exhaust 
Fota............Photos
Byecote........Boycott 
Lipti...........Lipstick 
Phast............Fast 
Phlowur........Flower 
Gilas...........Glass 
Palty/Partee..........Party 
Gorment........Goverment 
Peeja(Peezza)...........Pizza
Plumbber..............Plumber
Feelum.................Film 
Punj.........Sponge 
Die Vos .........Divorce

New Brand ........Brand New

Istill .........Steel

Bowel ......... Bowl

Jee TV ......... Zee TV

Yuniversity .... University

Istawbury ....... Strawberry

Isscooter  ........Scooter 

vija.........Visa.

 

Dear Friends : The emails are schedule to be posted at the blog called raj-e-collection, and will sent to the group on vrious dates and time fixed. I take opportunity of sending the emails instead of on it is spread on various dates. So it will not flood your email boxes on one particular day, but you get it almost daily. 

In case you do not want particular this emails, please create filter using "raj-e-collection" as word in the subject line, to be gone in trash. So, other emails from the group you can have in your inbox, and get rid of my daily dose. [Gmail and yahoo is providing the filter , other may check up with their emails service providers.] Those who see this post on the blog directly OR subscribe to receive the post from the blog directly are advice to ignore above . And requested to leave the comment for the postings. Also use email to friends at the bottom of ht each post.   Regards. R R Makwana

   [In case you do not like my post! ha ha ha ha]

The Ultimate Truth

God comes and says," I want the men to form two queues

- One line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.

Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

Arab and Gujarati

An Arab needed a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery. The doctors needed to store his blood type in case the need arises. Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So, the call went out to a number of countries.

Finally, a Gujarati was located who had the same blood type and who was willing to donate his blood to the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank-you card for giving his blood along with an expensive diamond and a new Rolls Royce car as a token of his appreciation.

Unfortunately, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery once again.
His doctors called the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a Thank You card and a box of Almond Roca sweets.

The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not acknowledge the Gujarati 's kind gesture in the same way as he had done the first time.
So, he phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not a very generous manner.

The Arab replied, "You forget, I have Gujarati blood in me now!"

Intel joke

There was a gentleman walking with two heavy suitcases in an airport terminal. Someone approached and asked him what time it was. The gentleman bends down to park the two heavy
suitcases and stares at his watch. But this was no ordinary watch! He touches a tiny button and his administrative assistant's face appears.

He asks her, "Mary, what time is it?" Mary answers instantly and with a smile!

The questioner is thoroughly impressed!!!

He asks, "What kind of a watch is that?"

"It's like a TV with two-way real-time communication," the gentleman explains. He adds that the watch is the latest technology with Intel's brand new 128-bit chip with processor speed of 10 Gigahertz.

The onlooker is now quite impressed and wanted to know if he could buy this watch from the gentleman. They agree on a price and the cash was handed immediately. The gentleman takes his watch out and hands it over and then walks away.

The new owner stares at the two heavy suitcases and shouts, "Sir, you forgot your suitcases."

The gentleman stops, smiles, and replies, "No, they are yours now. They are the modems you need for your new watch.

Dear Friends : The emails are schedule to be posted in the blog and will sent to the group on carious dates and time fixed. Instead of sending it on one day it is spread on various dates. regards. R R Makwana

English speakna shikho!!!!!

Prof. Santa Singh ( Does not know English) See how & what he speaks....

 

# Inside the Class :

  * Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.

  * Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.

  * Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.

  * Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor

  * You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class ..

  * Both of u three, get out of the class.

  * Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today...

  * Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....

  * Take 5 cm wire of any length....

 

# About his family :

  * I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)

  * My long sister was boiling in water so I send her to hospital.

# At the ground :

  * All of you, stand in a straight circle.

  * There is no wind in the balloon.

 

# To a boy, angrily :

    * I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?

  

# Giving a punishment :

  * You, rotate the ground four times...

  * You, go and under-stand the tree...

  * You three of you, stand together separately.

  * Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)

 

 

# Sir at his best :

Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the next day at school... ( to that boy ) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre

Joke : Laloo got the job (old one but still...)

Laloo Prasad Yadav sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.

A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad Yadav,

You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks

Bill Gates.

Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a press conference:

“Bhaiyo aur unki Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amreeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.”

Everyone was delighted. Laloo Prasad continued: “Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa Appointment Letter padkar sunaunga? Par letter angreeze main hai - Isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad

Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya

You do not meet

Aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement

Humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any further correspondence

Ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kono zaroorat nahee.

No phone call

Phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained

Bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks

Aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.

Bill Gates.

Tohar Bilva